I was created specifically to glorify God with the sole purpose that others will turn to Jesus and have eternal life. That is the reason that I breathe.
It’s so easy to glorify God in the happy moments. It’s so easy to see His work and praise Him for His blessings. I could shout it from the rooftops when He works a miracle in me, and I was prepared to do just that.
On July 4th, six weeks after Love left us for her adoptive home, we found out we were pregnant. After giving up on trying to have a baby of our own, God shocked us with the most amazing and awesome gift. It was healing in such a devastating time and we dove right in to sonograms, prenatal vitamins, and blood work. We were thrilled and it permeated our entire world.
This past Thursday I received a call from my doctor’s office that my blood work came back negative. No signs of birth defects of health issues with the baby. We rejoiced and celebrated and I let my prayer warriors know the good news. Then Friday morning, while at the doctor’s office for a scheduled ultrasound, we were greeted by a doctor we’d never seen. He rushed us into a small office and in ten minutes he completely altered the landscape of the rest of our future. They had made a mistake the night before and given us the wrong test results. Our baby had screened positive for Down syndrome.
This is not the life I would choose for my child, for my daughters, for my husband, or for me. I don’t want the challenges or the struggles. I don’t want the obstacles and the uncertainty. I want a healthy baby. It’s not politically correct and it’s not pretty, but it’s honest. We’re engulfed in a fire and I simply don’t want to be. But I do choose to love without conditions, knowing that our baby will be a brilliant light in a darkening world. And I choose to keep my faith grounded in my God alone. My Healer, my Hope.
The past three days have been a whirlwind of pain and tears. I have thought horrible thoughts, I have sobbed the ‘whys’, I have tortured myself with the ‘what ifs’. And all the anger and bitterness has now somehow circled back to where I started. With praise.
I praise Jesus for the very best friends and family. I praise Jesus for two daughters who will be the most amazing big sisters that ever were. I praise Jesus for a husband, that in spite of his own pain, has been the rock who’s held me while I’ve crumbled again and again. I praise Jesus for the excitement of all things baby and that I have a precious, priceless, invaluable life growing inside.
I praise Jesus for our child who is in the process of being created specifically to glorify God with the sole purpose that others will turn to Jesus and have eternal life. And our sweet baby will do it before he or she draws a first breath.
Romans 12:1-2 “Therefore, I urge, you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
His good, pleasing and perfect will…
