Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Healing Broken Hearts

When we’re neck deep in our worst case scenario, the water lapping at our chins makes it difficult to keep from flailing our arms in panic.

Those waves washed over us yesterday afternoon, and I felt like I was drowning.

The technician did the echo cardiogram on the baby and then left for the doctor to review the results. We waited for nearly an hour, and in that time, I talked with my Jesus. I begged Him for good news, I begged Him to show us that our child is healthy, and I heard Him speak over my heart in the shout of His inaudible whisper…

Don’t listen to him. Don’t listen to what he has to say.

I knew He was telling me not to believe what the doctor was about to tell us. And that meant we were about to receive bad news.

After the torturous wait, the doctor came in and pointed out several Down Syndrome markers to prove that the test I had initially taken was accurate. And he told us that our baby has a hole in her heart, one that won’t correct itself. He continued as a matter of fact that our daughter will have to have heart surgery very shortly after birth.

And the water smacked my face while I tried to catch my breath.

We left the office with the names of a pediatric cardiologist/surgeon and a OB specialist who will have to deliver. My rock-solid husband pointed out the miracles we did see - like a pinky bone that wasn’t there six weeks ago, and a thinning nuchal membrane - both of which we prayed for and received. But I continued to flail.

When we finally arrived home last night, I didn’t research heart surgery on newborns, or Down Syndrome markers. I typed in the definition of “faith”. Strangely enough, I didn’t get it the way I thought I would. Instead, God led me to a screen where He spoke just as loudly to me as He had in the exam room of the doctor’s office. This is the first verse I read…

“Then Jesus answered, ‘Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.’ And her daughter was healed from that very hour.” Matthew 15:28

I quit flailing. The next verse I read…

“So that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.” I Corinthians 2:5

And I found peace. I also found my definition of faith…

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of things we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

This morning God woke me with the lyrics of a song in my head, like He usually does. But this song was upbeat and it confused me. Then I tossed the words over and over in my mind.

“I love the way you hold me. You have my heart.”

It was only when I quit panicking that God was able to snatch me from the depths and hold me safely in the crook of His arm.

Oh, God, as You hold me tightly I can hug Your neck and tell you with certainty that You have my whole heart.

And, praise You, Jesus! I can sink into You and find rest, knowing that You jealously and fiercely, have Emmy Faith’s heart, too.

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