Monday, September 22, 2014

The Pen of God



For the past few weeks, all I’ve hoped to do was snatch the sacred pen from the hand of God and rewrite these most recent chapters of my life. I would smudge and smear the fine print of the coming months and begin reading this novel again when I first hold my baby girl in my arms and kiss her dear, precious face.

Another disappointing doctor’s appointment. Another punch in the gut. Another specialist to steal my breath. In the days following her diagnosis, I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. I couldn't imagine ever being able to smile or laugh and really mean it. In the inhumane and heinous grip of depression, I continued to cry out to my perfect Author that this is not where I want be. Oh, dear Lord! This is not where I want to be!

And then, just like that, there was joy.

It’s an unexplainable release because it’s a gift from an unexplainable God. He ripped me from my despair and replaced my tears with an excitement and anticipation that only He could give. I was asked a couple months ago by our Bible study leader why I would consider it a blessing to face trials. My response was that with every struggle and every hurt that I’ve endured, I’ve grown closer to Jesus. I’ve prayed more, listened harder, trusted better. I‘ve seen His hand at work, He’s strengthened my faith, I’ve loved Him deeper. My joy doesn’t just remain in the pain, it grows exponentially. And the love and comfort in that relationship has been worth it, every single time.

Every single time…

We’re preparing to see a specialist tomorrow who will tell us if our child will have additional medical issues. We will hear whether or not her heart is strong, and the fear in that has repeatedly threatened to overwhelm me. I sit here and think of how those few moments in that office are yet another page I will want to tear to pieces. But instead I will choose to face each word the doctor says with faith, because I know my God isn’t finished with this story. Only my Jesus knows the ending, so I will choose to rejoice and be grateful for this time while the ink of the pages of my life co-mingle and spill over to the fragile pages of my daughters.

And I will desperately seek to be amazed by His glorious unfolding.




Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don't try to figure it out
Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart
'Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it's just not true
There's so much of the story that's still yet to unfold
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You've just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
God's plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You've just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we're living
Is just the beginning of the beginning
Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We'll see the glorious unfolding
Just watch and see, unfolding
This is just the beginning of the beginning, unfolding
--Steven Curtis Chapman
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

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